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M toast concluded: You see it invoked in dating profiles, rom-coms, and The Bachelor. Zeus, seeking to humble humans, split us in half, forcing us to wander in search of our other half: It was magical, and then, quite quickly, dissolved by the Looking for my soul matefor life light of day, by the pressures of real life.

If that man was my soul mate, soul mates are overrated. My favorite writer on the subject of the soul mates is J.

Tolkienwho was married to his wife, Edith, from her teens until her death at age He acknowledged that soul mates are pretty good in theory: Was there someone out there theoretically better suited to him than Edith?

But so what?

I love that: True soul mates are made, not born. This tracks with what I see in long marriages. It took time for many of even the most loving couples to Looking for my soul matefor life like kindred spirits. It took time, and patience, and commitment. We used to Sluts in Abilene ny about it all the time, but now we just work around each other.

He lets me sit there and drink coffee in the morning while he bustles around. We take care of each other.

But we had to learn that, how to sync up. But something funny happened: Our old notion of soul mates is not helpful.

Contact us at editors time. Jason Parsons—Getty Images.

By Ada Calhoun May 17, TIME Ideas hosts the world's leading voices, providing commentary on events in news, society, and culture. We welcome outside contributions. Opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect the views of TIME editors.

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